Larch in Translation

About two-thirds of the way home from campus, I ride along a wide (for Europe), straight street lined with sycamores. There is something the city of Amsterdam would like you to know about this street, but I am not entirely sure what it is.


This is another fabulous example of European signage that screams for a close read. Here is a list of potential meanings for the sign, none of which could be true:

1. Beware of giant, truck-eating trees.

2. If you leave your dumbbells here, someone might put a big cube down on top of them.

3. Ground under the trees is extremely unstable! Trees might lean on your vehicle to keep from falling into the center of the earth.

4. In Amsterdam anyone is free to express their love publicly, regardless of race, sex, creed, species, make, or model.

5. Warning! Your truck might get stuck in a tree!
(This one is possibly the most ridiculous. As you can clearly see in the picture, these trees are big, and vehicles in Amsterdam are not. Even if you had a car lashed onto the top of a truck, you might just get leaves skimming the roof.)


Now here are some signs that would actually be useful on this street:

1. A biker passes under a tree as a sycamore pod hits him in the head, causing slight pain and great annoyance.

2. A biker passes under a tree as a clump of leaves falls on her head, getting wet gunk all over her hair.

3. A biker passes a city worker with a leafblower, which is shuttling street grit directly into her eyes.

4. A steady stream of bikes crossing the street, next to a car with its right turn signal on. The driver has died and become a skeleton while waiting for his chance to turn.

5. A girl on a bike, riding slowly and wobbling all over the path because she's talking on a cell phone and eating a sandwich at the same time. Other bikers cluster behind her, anger lines emanating from their heads. One of them is carrying a stepladder for no apparent reason.